I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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