I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
