This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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