Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
