you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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