she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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