Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
