mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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