I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
