everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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