Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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