Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
