if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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