so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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