Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
