So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
