you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
