He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So squirting runs in the family.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
