so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
