4 words: hood of his car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.