if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange