it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins