I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.