My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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