Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
