My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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