I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
soo... how was my night?
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