eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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