dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
