What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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