Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
