when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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