I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I stole a fireplace last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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