I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
