Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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