I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
