i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize