I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
