we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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