just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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