ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize