our cab driver is having phone sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
