i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Let's get the cat blown out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
