U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
