I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were trust falling into bushes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
