I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
