I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I could make wine with my vomit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
