TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
