i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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