Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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