yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
