It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
