Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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