when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
