It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
