I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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