i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
