i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
