to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
