I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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