Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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