Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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