A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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