I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
