Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
