I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
