found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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