I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
