just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
