I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
