I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize