I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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