We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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