i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
