I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
