ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
