i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
