I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
