this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
