oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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